There’s really no worse feeling than the one you get when watching a toilet that you've just crapped in fill up higher and higher after you flush it. It's the realisation that the most embarrassing moment of your life is about to happen, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
This is exactly what happened to me earlier tonight. I stood there completely transfixed, helpless and unable to take my eyes off the toilet bowl. The water continued to rise, it was up to the rim. The panic set in. Of course by this time any sane person would start looking for a plunger. But I just continued to stand there, mouth ajar, absolutely mortified.
Did I happen to mention it was Valentines day? Yeah. It was 6pm. Not exactly what I imagined I'd be doing on the very first Valentines Day of my married life.
So what did I do? My usual response in a catastrophe of this magnitude would be to fetch Josiah to fix it for me. But that wouldn’t work in this case, because he doesn’t know I poo. Just like my mother doesn't know I get my periods. When the topic comes up, I firmly deny it.
This is exactly what happened to me earlier tonight. I stood there completely transfixed, helpless and unable to take my eyes off the toilet bowl. The water continued to rise, it was up to the rim. The panic set in. Of course by this time any sane person would start looking for a plunger. But I just continued to stand there, mouth ajar, absolutely mortified.
Did I happen to mention it was Valentines day? Yeah. It was 6pm. Not exactly what I imagined I'd be doing on the very first Valentines Day of my married life.
So what did I do? My usual response in a catastrophe of this magnitude would be to fetch Josiah to fix it for me. But that wouldn’t work in this case, because he doesn’t know I poo. Just like my mother doesn't know I get my periods. When the topic comes up, I firmly deny it.
Ok, so I had to fix this myself. What the hell was I going to do?!
This was my thought process: Come on, Jen, think!
Oh man... oh man!! I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and not use this toilet!
Oh man, why did I have to use the toilet first? Why couldn't I have found it in my heart to let Josiah go ahead? He was busting too. Then he’d be here in the bathroom with this over-flowing toilet, and I’d be out there on the bed watching TV in blissful ignorance.
Oh man. Oh man!
Oh man... oh man!! I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and not use this toilet!
Oh man, why did I have to use the toilet first? Why couldn't I have found it in my heart to let Josiah go ahead? He was busting too. Then he’d be here in the bathroom with this over-flowing toilet, and I’d be out there on the bed watching TV in blissful ignorance.
Oh man. Oh man!
In the end, as humiliating as it was, I decided it was time to admit to Josiah that I use the toilet, just like other human beings.
This is how the conversation went. "Josiah?"
He looked up.
"I pooed in the toilet and now it’s overflowed. Sorry.” I blurted.
Happy Valentines Day.
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